One night, a few years back, I was having dinner with friends who shared my love for sushi, good cocktails, politics and movies. We realized that despite our long friendship, we had not taken a vacation together.
We all thought it would be fun to travel somewhere on a whim.
“Let’s do it,” we all declared. We found some award tickets for Hong Kong the next week.
We arrived at our hotel at night, halfway around the globe. We went back to our hotel after a late meal, and I chose to go to bed. Hong Kong at night is a lot of fun (and very crazy), but I wanted to get used to the local time zone so that I could enjoy the rest of our vacation.
They were planning to go out and party. After saying goodnight, they left.
It was still dark when I woke up. I checked the time. I looked at the time. Two of my friends were asleep. The third, however, was still partying.
After letting them rest, I prepared myself and went out to explore the city before commuters woke up and the town became a maelstrom. Hong Kong is my favourite city, and its calmness in the mornings is wonderful. Many grandmothers and grandparents walk, practice tai-chi in the parks, and eat dim sum.
There was so much to see and do (and eat) that I didn’t have time to waste. After a dim sum breakfast, I wandered the streets, grabbed some books and tea, and took pictures of empty streets.
I heard from my friends at midday. We had lunch in a noodle store and planned our day.
I asked them what they would like to do before we booked our trip. Knowing them, it was likely that they would want to go out for fancy dinners. (Hong Kong is known for its fine dining.) But I also made sure to emphasize that I am a backpacker, and I love cheap activities, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, and wandering about.
They said, “No problem.” The travellers wanted to go beyond the surface. They were just as excited as I was about dim sum, local markets and bars.
It was not the case.
My friends were always out partying late at night. They slept late and only wanted to go to expensive restaurants. They didn’t even want to see any sights.
We were like ships in darkness as the days passed. They were not around much, except for a few meals. I was used to travelling alone, and that was okay with me. I can have fun. It wasn’t very pleasant to not be able to spend time with my friends. The trip was ruined.
They talked about wanting to do it again one day. Not me. I said to myself, “We will never do this again.”
This trip taught me that while people may like a particular travel style in theory, the reality can be very different. Over the years, many of my friends have travelled in a completely different style than mine.
Mark Twain once said: “There’s no better way to know if you like or dislike people than to travel with them.” I could not agree more. Even your closest friends should be careful when travelling. You’ll want to ensure that their style is compatible with yours.
I have compiled a list of important questions to ask friends. You know them well, but this is still useful.
If you’re not on the same page as your travel companions, it’s okay as long as you’re comfortable spending time apart. It’s a problem if you don’t like being independent travellers (or the other way around) but have different travel styles. There have been many trips where I’ve travelled with friends, and we overlapped on certain things, but it was never a problem. We didn’t care if we went our separate ways because it gave us something to talk about later when we got back together.
As I have taken more trips with friends, I am becoming more discerning about who I choose to travel with. Sometimes, you can’t predict the future. The two things that people say and do may be different. When people say they’re going to do or travel in the same manner, it may not be the case when you arrive on the road.
Since that spontaneous trip I took with my friends, I have learned that asking the right questions beforehand can reduce the chances of conflict.